KOSHER CULTURE

Sorry for the lack of articles of late. We were unexpectedly hospitalized at a very fine local medical center.

We had MON CUISINE for lunch and dinner each day. First of all, if you do not like green beans, do not go to a hospital that serves MON CUISINE to the kosher crowd. Green beans at lunch, green beans with dinner. We like green beans, but the fact is that there were three slots for food on the tray. Two had green beans. Plain green beans. Green beans with slices of sweet red pepper. Green beans in sauce. At this point, we have nightmares about green beans!

We knew we were feeling better when we read the label on the Baked Ziti dish and started to laugh. First of all, the label said it was GOURMET baked ziti. We were excited. We had never even considered that there could be gourmet baked ziti. But, alas, it was false. Not true. Balderdash. Our hopes were cruelly dashed on the shores of unmet culinary expectation.

But it was the label that set us laughing.

The ingredient legend was a rip and a half. Semolina wheat noodles (a long list of every ingredient in the noodles), Marinara sauce (a long list of each ingredient in the sauce), green beans (green beans, peppers, oil, sauce) Cheese (a long list of every ingredient in the making of the cheese). And that is what set us off.

Included in the list was “kosher culture.” Well, here is what popped into our fevered mind:

Hmmm, kosher culture? As in THE SISTERHOOD OF TEMPLE BNAI RENEE PROUDLY PRESENTS “MY FAIR SADIE.” Sing along as we sing, “Don’t let them hook us, kisch mir in tuchus, just get me to the shul on time….” (Not ours. We stole it from somewhere else. Just can’t remember where)

The Kosher Komedy Store: Hey my kid sister made an amazing affair for my nephews bar mitzvah. It was really swanky. They had chopped swan in the shape of a liver. (rim shot)

The Yiddish songster (Pesach Comowitz) Mein yiddishe maydel, softig like a matzah knaydel….

Yup, Kosher culture. It’s the best. Oh, and by the way: the ziti was over cooked, the cheese was tasteless, but the green beans were plentiful.