THE KOSHUS NEXOR

Tragic News: Rabbi I. Shuden Pasken announced today that some very major, hugely important, big time, big deal, name brand Rabbonim in the Holy City of Brooklyn have ruled that we may not breathe the air outside. It seems that the air contains teensy, tiny organisms that look a lot like lobsters under 5 million X magnification. Saying that these little lobsters are, of course, trefe, the rabbis had no choice but to assur (forbid) breathing unfiltered air. Air filters for your nose and mouth may be bought at area shuls such as: Rodfei Kesef, Rodfei Sheker, Our Lady of Perpetual Simchas, The Rav Hamichshol Shul, and other fine area shuls. Be sure to buy extra filters for your yeshiva children so that the Torah they speak will not be sullied by unclean and impure lips.

According to We Like Kosher Magazine, matzah is no longer kosher for Passover. Authorities at the Wedding Belz yeshiva and dance hall, have ruled that modern matzah is an abomination unto the -ord, and we may no longer eat it on Passover. Instead, consumers are urged to buy the Sefardic flat (pita style) matzahs available all over Deal, NJ for only $45 a pound.

The Chazon Ish Society has announced a brand new plan to ascertain whether the issurim they issue are acceptable or not. According to group spokesman, Uri Tzion Hai, when ever a group wants to pass a new chumra, they go to the grave of the Chazon Ish and ask him if the chumra is too much. His silence is interpreted to mean that he supports the new chumra.

Daood ben Kashmir, famously flamboyant Sefardi singer was forced to cancel his Spring Concert Tour. Saying that there was no room for a pelvis thrusting, leg shaking, Jewish, Elvis wannabe, several prominent rabbis in Israel, led by Rabbi Ichveiss Alles- curator of the Pure Temple Popcorn museum- issued a clarion call to all bnei and bnos Toirah to boycott the singer’s tour. One rabbi claimed that seeing Daood would render people blind in one eye. Unless they looked for even longer, then they would be blind in both eyes and have a big hangnail on the big toe of their right foot. The singer canceled his tour and said something in Persian that we can not translate in this family blog……..

Finally, Rabbi Fein Tush wishes you all a freilichen Purim- a most joyous and wonderful Purim.

Chag Purim Samecah.