The Koshus Nexor

The Koshus Nexor

Purim  5799

With the Israeli flag proudly perched upon the moon,  a group of Jerusalem rabbis have declared that Kiddush Levana (blessing the new moon) has now been removed from the prayer book, and other books where it might be found. The rabbis declared the moon flight an abomination, and the Zionist flag to be a shandeh for the goyim.

Rabbi Tzu Alt of the Eidah Chareidit,  at 97 the oldest member, was asked for comment.  He mostly drooled and spoke intelligently.

In Teaneck, Rabbi Sirius told his congregants that they may not ever vote again in any election because the local polling station is a church and once the ballots have been handled by non Jews in the church, they are assur for Jews to even handle, let alone cast. He reminded them that Stam Ballots are assur according to halacha.

Tragic News: Rabbi I. Shuden Pasken announced today that some very major, hugely important, big time, big deal, name brand Rabbonim in the Holy City of Brooklyn have ruled that we may not breathe the air outside. It seems that the air contains teensy, tiny organisms that look a lot like lobsters under 5 million X magnification. Saying that these little lobsters are, of course, trefe, the rabbis had no choice but to assur (forbid) breathing unfiltered air. Air filters for your nose and mouth may be bought at area shuls such as: Rodfei Kesef, Rodfei Sheker, Our Lady of Perpetual Simchas, The Rav Hamichshol Shul, and other fine area shuls. Be sure to buy extra filters for your yeshiva children so that the Torah they speak will not be sullied by unclean and impure lips.

According to We Like Kosher Magazine, matzah is no longer kosher for Passover. Authorities at the Wedding Belz yeshiva and dance hall, have ruled that modern matzah is an abomination unto the -ord, and we may no longer eat it on Passover. Instead, consumers are urged to buy the Sefardic flat (pita style) matzahs available all over Deal, NJ for only $45 a pound.