PURIM TALES

Sand blows from Saudi Arabia to Israel. When there are dust storms in Jerusalem, you close your windows and cover your outside A/C units. Everything gets coated with dust. And therein lies the problem! Little teensy, weensy bugs can be found in the dust. Those little bugs are so small, you have to go to a Rabbanut approved store to buy the officially licensed, rabbinically approved bug magnifying glass with light, filter, and pictures of the two Chief Rabbis on the handle.

At NIS 470, it is a tad expensive, but, shucks, when it comes to kashruth, you can never pay too much. After all, eating bugs is worse than eating pork, or even pork with bugs. Additionally, approved mouth masks are available at finer pharmacies all over Jerusalem. Be forewarned, however, you must use two filters at once, one on top of the other. Or, you can wrap your nose and mouth with aluminum foil.

With Pesach around the corner, the official spokesman for the Rabbanut here in Israel has announced that all meat and chicken prices will rise by about 300% before Pesach. According to one of the esteemed politicos (read rabbis), if you can’t pay those inflated prices, you must be a Deformed Jew, and therefore eliminated from participating in the annual re-enactment of the exodus from Egypt.

A recent ad in T Tiddles featuring a holiday program at the Dead Sea (you won’t need salt water- just head out to the beach) proudly announces that the program is guaranteed to be non-gebrokt. In the picture at the bottom of the ad, a young boy looks lovingly at a bowl of matza ball soup! Can you say Oops?

Finally, in case you missed this, a new play about Purim was roundly panned by critics everywhere. It seems that the big song number, I”m gonna Vashti queen right out of my hair, was deemed immodest.