TOTALLY WEIRD CEREALS

AOL did a feature on totally weird cereals. Here are some of the nominees:

Moonstones
Ralston marketed this cereal with the story that it was mined from the lunar surface by a regiment of magical beings called Moonbeams. Their commandant, Major Moon, led the work camp while obsessing over the moral decay their shiftless neighbors, the Moonbums, were attempting to introduce. Despite being a tasty, Cold War mix of fruit and fascism, Moonstones were discontinued after only a year in 1977.

King Vitaman

Nothing screams health like misspelling the word “vitamin” in your name. With a spoon-crown and a demonic expression, this potentate’s maniacal desire to administer breakfast reeked of a disturbing power-lust.

Kaboom

A day-glo clown, creepy smiley-faced shapes, and an ability to turn milk a murky grayish-blue color: What’s not to love about Kaboom? The clown on this box front, who appears to have been dosed with LSD, refuses to actually handle the bowl with anything other than his foot.

Sugar Corn-fetti

Though the connection between mariners and processed corn is spurious at best, Post used the seafaring Captain Jolly to pitch Sugar Corn-fetti in the 1960s. As illogical as that sounds, using a single-toothed smile to sell a sugary breakfast may be an even worse idea.

Wackies

In the good ol’ days, an uncontrollable little boy getting hopped up on a cereal full of “banana bingles,” “banana jangles,” and “oat gloops” was endearing. Now it just makes him a candidate for Ritalin.

Magic Puffs

If your hat comes alive and tells you to eat cereal, you’ve probably already had some magic puffs. When this was on tables from 1974 to 1977, we’re pretty sure it was more post-bong “munchie meal” than part of a nutritious breakfast.