The following appeared on AOL. We think they are right on the money!
Recitation of the Specials
Would it really be so hard to print it out or write it on a board? That way we’d actually remember if the beet ‘n chive compote came with the lamb or the duck, and wouldn’t have to feel like such a stingy nincompoop for asking the server to say the price out loud.
Bottled Water Up-selling
Putting aside the negative environmental impact of all that excess glass & plastic, are restaurateurs implying that the H20 they’re using to cleanse the veggies and cook the pasta is somehow sub-palatable, or are they just trying to dunk the customer? We’d rather splash our cash on desserts and apps than pour it out on something that should just flow freely from the tap.
Up-selling In General
While we’re certainly sympathetic to waitstaff who, due to the untenable circumstance of sub-minimum wage base pay, rely on percentage-based tips, but really — if we wanted to start with an appetizer, we would have ordered one.
Listing the Birthplace of Every Ingredient
“Organic Peruvian Tangelo Seared Aged Newark Wildebeest on a Bed of Wilted Gowanus Farms Pre-Natal Endive”
We’re loco for locavorism and super-psyched for sustainable organic farming, but it doesn’t taste any better just ’cause we know the name of our tenderloin’s first cousin and where it went to summer camp.
Would You Like Freshly Ground Black Pepper On That?
No. No we wouldn’t. And you’re scaring us with that Louisville Slugger of a spice grinder.
Trios & Duos
“Heirloom Beef Prepared Two Ways with a Roulette of Seasonal Carrots”
Is the chef hedging his bets? Did he or she run short of some critical ingredient and have to go halvsies? One of the bunch is bound to outshine the other, making you wish you’d gotten a stab at a full-sized portion of that instead.
Expensive After-Dinner Tea and Coffee
We get that this stuff isn’t free, but when we look over the tab and see that the no-frills cup o’ joe guzzled up $6 bucks, we tend to get a teensy bit “tea-ed” off. For that, we could have gone for a Grande Mocha-Choca Ya-Ya Latte at the BigBucks down the street.