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Kosher Nexus
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May 18, 2004 at 11:46:47a.m.

We went to a fancy, catered affair this past weekend. It was a lovely party, and I suspect that everyone had a great time. The whole event was elegant and quite lebedik.


It would never occur to me to take a ziplock bag to a catered affair. Did we suddenly develop a shortage of sugar, sweetener, rolls, and pareve coffee lightener cups in this country?

We were once at a Tante’s house and one of my kids asked for ketchup. Bam! Auntie wipped out a ziplock bag and in it were hundreds of bags of sugar, sweetener, salad dressing, syrup and ketchup. I think she must have emptied out the region! And she is not poor. No, she just can’t help herself!

In a similar vein, at the affair, the Vienese table came out. I love when the band asks everyone to clear the dance floor so that “XYZ caterers can bring in their world famous Vienese table” (cue fanfare). Better yet, the people rise! Yup, they rise for the tables of food. Such reverence. Such worship! Such naked longing in the eyes of the beholders of this gustatory excess.

They were on those tables like white on rice, like red on a cherry and like ugly on a bear! Swarming locusts could not have emptied those tables faster than did the fearless Members of the Tribe who pushed their way to the altar of cholesterol, fat and calories.

People just ate an appetizer, salad, soup and dinner, and they are now devouring the dessert as if they were Oliver and the other kids in the orphanage.

And then, out came the bags! “I am taking this home for my granddaughter, rabbi.” “Hey, rabbi, I am going to give this cake to my cleaning lady tomorrow.” Such altruism. Such selflessness.

Maybe caterers should do a handbag inspection at the door. Put up a big sign: Ziplock bags will be confiscated.

You know what? It’s not nice!